


Friends Among Pirates

by writingpancake



Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Minor Violence, Reader fic - Freeform, Violence in Later Chapters, slowburn romance, we're gonna give Kix the love he deserves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-02
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 19,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25028311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingpancake/pseuds/writingpancake
Summary: After a lifetime of being left behind and forgotten, you don't expect things to be different when you join Sidon Ithano's pirate crew. But when the ship's medic, Clone Trooper Kix, shows an interest in you, you don't know how to react.
Relationships: CT-6116 | Kix & Original Character(s), CT-6116 | Kix/Reader
Comments: 60
Kudos: 71





	1. Chapter 1

It was difficult to pinpoint exactly when you came to the realization that you were the person that would always be left behind. Perhaps it was always a possibility, lurking in the back of your mind during your childhood, the revelation only coming to you as adult. For a few years you tried to convince yourself that your loneliness was your mind misinterpreting the natural distance that occurs between friends as they age.

You try not to let yourself think that it’s something about you that puts people off. You tell yourself that some people just don’t make much of an impact on others. And you are one of those people.

So, somewhere along the line, whether through conscious decision making or subconscious attempt at curtailing further emotional pain, you’d stopped investing in relationships. You no longer volunteered information about yourself, even if that information was as mundane as your favorite color. There was a small part of you - the more rational part of you - that realized by not investing in relationships you were furthering your isolation. But you had grown too tired to make any effort.

Currently, you were sitting around a fire pit on a backwater world where the thoughts of isolation had been plaguing you all day, drowning you in a melancholic miasma. The crew of pirates you’d been traveling with of late surrounded you on all sides, but hardly seemed privy to your presence. The Twi’lek, Reveth, sat a little to your left, tinkering with some piece of machinery with Squeaky, the Gamorrean, observing quietly. The captain, Sidon Ithano, and the his first mate, Quiggold, were quietly conversing on the other side of the fire. Though, you could only assume a conversation was happening. You weren’t entirely sure as the captain was famously reticent and currently wearing a mask, thus hiding his face from your view. And off to your right, just out of reach of the fire’s glow, was the clone medic, Kix. 

You knew little about him. He joined the crew before you and, much like you, kept to himself. He would, occasionally, engage in conversation with other members of the crew, but it was limited to medical treatment after a raid gone sideways or shallow topics, like the quality of food at the last cantina the crew ate at. You had learned of his pedigree from Reveth when you joined the crew. The Twi’lek mentioned only briefly that the ship’s medic was a clone they had found after he had spent fifty years in stasis. He had served in the Clone Wars, she’d told you.

Your own personal history had never been discussed amongst the crew. On one hand, you liked that no one asked questions about your past or where you were from. On the other hand, you were from a planet so far into Wild Space that you had no real sense of what was going on in the greater galaxy. You had no knowledge of the Clone Wars as they had never made it anywhere near your home system. You had only heard of the war when you had ventured away from Wild Space and into the charted galaxy. 

Your eyes wandered to the clone. His face was obscured by shadows, but you could just make out his features. His high cheekbones were not quite hidden by the beard he was growing. Though it was invisible now in the darkness, you knew there was a tattoo peeking out from his hair line. You wondered, briefly, how far back the tattoo stretched and what it read. 

It never really occurred to you to ask Kix what his tattoo said. One, because you acknowledged that no one on this crew really liked to discuss their past. Two, Kix had not been the most welcoming when Captain Ithano brought you onto the crew. All members of the crew were slow to trust, but Kix was especially distant when you joined.

Being from somewhere so far from even the Outer Rim of the galaxy, you had no context for your clone crew mate. Your severely limited understanding of Kix’s situation boiled down to this: Kix was a clone, which meant he was one of many, and clone soldiers were all but extinct. You understood that meant, after fifty years in stasis, he was the last of his kind. 

Kix was truly alone in the galaxy. 

Your gaze dropped away from the clone and you felt your eyebrows furrow. The frustration you felt at yourself built quickly as one question entered your thoughts.

How can you feel so lonely when someone like Kix really doesn’t have anyone?

Your face must have betrayed your thoughts, because you heard an inquisitive snort to your left. The Gamorrean was looking at you, his head tilted slightly. You didn’t understand much of what Squeaky said, but you were able to guess his meaning now.

“I’m alright,” you said with a quiet nod. The others around the fire gave no indication that they had heard your brief exchange with your porcine crew mate. “I’m gonna head back to the ship.”

Squeaky nodded briefly at you. Reveth’s focus never left her piece of machinery, but you felt the gaze of the others as you stood. With a curt nod to the captain, you turned and left the gathering. The light of the fire faded as you walked, but the stars and moon were bright and your eyes soon adjusted to the relative darkness. 

You had pointedly not looked at Kix as you left the group, though you doubt he had noticed. The thoughts still running rampant in your head frustrated you. Again, the still rational part of your mind was telling you that your line of reasoning was unfair to both you and Kix. 

Perhaps Kix wouldn’t like to be thought of in the context of his loss. 

‘And,’ the voice of reason in your mind said. ‘You are allowed to feel lonely. Your feelings are not invalid just because you think someone else has it worse off than you.’

Outside the light from the fire and with no one around to see you, you allow your face to express the frustration boiling up inside you. Your eyebrows knit together and your lips turn down in a severe frown. You know both these points are true, and it manages to make you feel worse about yourself. 

The Meson Martinet loomed in the darkness ahead of you. You boarded the ship, making your way through the interior, and arrived at the quarters you shared with Reveth. Doing your best to stave off the feeling of loneliness, you sat on your cot and tried to enjoy the quiet solitude of the empty ship.

You were in the throes of fighting off something akin to despair when you heard the tell-tale sounds of boots in the hallway. Kix appeared in your doorway, looking unsure of himself. You weren’t sure if you should be surprised or bothered by his presence. You knew you were feeling desperately lonely, but you weren’t sure if you had the emotional capacity to talk with anyone at any great length. And, given the way Kix stood in the doorway, he had no plans to leave you immediately.

Eventually the silence was too much for you.

“You okay, Kix?”

The clone didn’t physically start, but you didn’t miss the surprise that flickered in his eyes. 

“Y-yeah. I’m alright,” he responded as he brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck. “How ‘bout you?”

You looked at Kix and tried to weigh your response. He seemed to be asking how you were out of a genuine, if awkward, interest.

“Just have a lot of loud thoughts right now.” 

Not a lie, but not a whole truth either. You’d kept yourself firmly in the vague grey area that made up all your relationships in recent years. It wasn’t often that anyone asked how you were feeling, but when they did, a vague answer like the one you gave Kix was enough to satisfy their polite attempt at pleasantry. 

Based on his furrowed brow, this was not a wholly satisfactory answer for Kix. His hand dropped from the back of his neck and settled on his chin where it softly stroked his growing beard. He seemed pensive for a moment and looked away from you. Your gaze stayed on him. You had been on the ship for close to a standard month, but in that time you had not really observed your crew mates’ physical attributes. In the sterile artificial light of the ship you could see his features clearly and were struck by a thought.

Kix was handsome.

You shoved the thought aside, cursing its intrusion. You hadn’t been careful enough at the fire and the clone had caught a glimpse of your self-pity party. Kix was here because you were too open with your facial expressions and now you were dangerously close to burdening him with your despondence.

“Listen, Kix. You don’t have to do this,” you said.

His eyes snapped back to focus on you. He looked almost affronted.

“What do you mean I don’t have to do this?” He sounded affronted. “Do what?”

You could feel the your exhaustion creeping into your facial expression and were powerless to stop it.

“We’re not friends.” 

Your voice was so quiet, you barely heard it yourself. You tried to ignore how small you sounded; how small you felt. Your eyes fell to your hands clasped in front of you. 

“You don’t need to force sincerity with me.”

Kix offered no immediate response. He still stood in the doorway, hands hanging by his side. The quiet in the room was beginning to feel oppressive. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. You arched one eyebrow and brought your gaze up to him. He was looking down at the floor, with his hands clenched into loose fists at his side. 

“I know I haven't exactly been kind to you since you joined the crew. I hadn’t been part of it very long when you joined up. When you came aboard it changed a dynamic I hadn’t gotten used to yet.” He took a small step further into the room. “Look, we don’t know much about each other. All I know for sure is that you and I are the most recent additions to this crew.”

Kix had taken another small step into the room, but he was keeping his distance from where you were seated on your cot.

“And I know the look you had at the campfire. You looked the way I feel.”

You looked at him questioningly.

“And how do you feel?” you asked.

“Lost.”

You don’t know what it was, but something must have read on your face because Kix looked more uncomfortable than he had when he first entered your quarters.

“Never mind,” he mumbled as he turned to leave. “I shouldn’t have said anything. Sorry I bothered you.”

You wanted to stop him leaving, but your brain was only just catching up to what had just transpired. Before you had managed to formulate a response, Kix was in the hallway out side your quarters. You brain resumed function abruptly and you blinked rapidly in confusion as the clone’s footsteps echoed away from you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kix hasn't spoken to you in almost three weeks. Now you're playing the part of lookout with Quiggold while the rest of the crew explore an abandoned Separatist base.

Kix hadn’t spoken to you in the three weeks since the exchange in your quarters. You tried not to take it personally, but there was a lingering sense of regret in your mind. The medic had approached you in what you thought, in retrospect, may have been a gesture for help and you had reacted poorly.

You were with Quiggold as the rest of the _Meson Martinet_ ’s crew were investigating the dilapidated Separatist base. Captain Ithano was aiming to acquire more battle droids to sell to the highest bidder and, judging by the pieces of droid scattered about, this was a promising location.

“I can hear you thinking from here,” Quiggold said. “What’s on your mind?” The first mate was sitting on an old storage container as he looked out at the base in front of him. You regarded him quietly, deciding on how honest an answer you wanted to give. Past experience dictated that people in positions of authority didn’t actually want to hear your thoughts and concerns.

“I’m not sure how I feel about selling these battle droids,” you started. “I get that it’s lucrative and I hold no judgement against the captain for wanting to make a profit…” You paused to formulate your thoughts and find the right words. You didn’t want to offend the first mate and you didn’t want to give too much of yourself away. You weren’t sure if your morals were aligned with those of Quiggold and Captain Ithano, but you didn’t mind the pirates and you didn’t care to be on your own again. You had to choose your words carefully. 

“Don’t be afraid to speak your mind,” Quiggold prompted. You raised an eyebrow and briefly considered him. You decided he seemed sincere.

“I don’t like the idea of the First Order getting their hands on battle droids. I worry about it coming back to bite us in the ass.”

It was the most blunt you’d ever been with Quiggold or with anyone on the crew for that matter. There was a small niggling at the back of your mind that you should be concerned about how he was going to react or what he was going to say to the captain. You’d been kicked to the curb by others for far less. However, there was a certain numbness settling in your bones and you couldn’t bring yourself to care too much. Caring had never helped in the past. It wouldn’t help you now. You had said your piece.

To his credit, Quiggold seemed to ruminate on your words.

“I understand your concern,” Quiggold said. “But the captain has no love for the First Order.” There was a smile in his voice and you felt yourself relax slightly. “He wouldn’t sell to those fools.” The first mate turned to look at you. “But, if it will make you feel better, I’ll make sure to ask the Resistance leaders if they are in the market for battle droids first.”

A small smile pulled at your lips. “A small comfort,” you said. “Thank you, Quiggold.”

The sound of distant blaster fire interrupted any response the first mate might have had. You straightened from your slouch and pulled your blaster rifle off your back. Quiggold dropped off the crate he was seated on and pulled his own blaster. The two of you waited with shallow breath, listening as the fire fight seemed to grow closer.

“Stay here,” Quiggold commanded. “I’m going to start the take off sequence.”

You nodded and tightened your grip on your rifle. Your eyes focused on the blast doors where you had last seen the crew and the captain entering the base. There had been skirmishes and sticky situations since you’d joined the pirate crew, but this sounded like more blaster fire than you were used to.

A flash of red appeared at the base’s entrance. Captain Ithano was holding the line between the unseen attackers and the crew. Reveth, Squeaky, and Kix sprinted past the Crimson Corsair, firing shots over their shoulders. You shouldered your rifle and braced for your first shot. 

A battle droid staggered into your scope’s view and you had a moment’s hesitation. How the hell were they operational? You fired a shot and hit the hapless droid’s power cell. Captain Ithano took the opportunity to run towards the ship. You could hear the engines powering up as you laid down more cover fire for the crew.

A super battle droid raised it’s weaponized hand and fired a shot before you had a chance to take it out. The blaster bolt hit Kix in the shoulder and the clone went down.

You watched as the medic collided with the ground, but were relieved to see him immediately roll to cover. Not dead then.

“Captain,” you shouted over the blaster fire. “Kix is down!”

The captain turned and saw Kix taking cover. The barrage of blaster fire was too much, though, and he continued to the ship.

Reveth and Squeaky ran up the ramp beside you and began to lay down additional cover fire. Captain Ithano soon joined you on the ramp.

“What about Kix?”

The red Kaleesh mask regarded you for a moment. He said nothing as he turned to look at Kix’s position. You feared that the infamous Blood Buccaneer would leave the clone behind. 

“Captain, he’s our only medic. We can’t leave him.”

The captain still said nothing, but raised his blaster and fired on the advancing droids. Kix took the opportunity to make a dash to the ship.

He took another blaster bolt to his leg for his efforts. You were moving before you’d registered reacting. Your feet pounded on the duracrete of the landing strip as you rushed to where Kix had fallen. His blaster had flown from his hand and skidded out of his reach. You got to him just as he was starting to drag himself to cover once again. You grabbed his arm and slung it over your shoulder. Surprised by your own strength, you pulled Kix to safety. 

“What are you doing?” Kix shouted incredulously.

“You know what, I genuinely don’t know.” You pulled a blaster pistol from the holster at your hip. “Here’s a blaster. Help me figure it out.” 

You positioned yourself above Kix and aimed your rifle over the fallen crates you were using as cover. Kix fired the blaster you’d given him from around the corner of the crates. It wasn’t the best vantage point, but the two of you managed to take down several droids. 

The cover fire from the ship had slowed and you risked a glance behind you. Your blood ran cold as you saw the _Meson Martinet_ lifting off. You thought the captain would at least try to rescue Kix, if not you. The clone was useful, not only as the ship’s sole medic, but because of his knowledge of the Separatist bases and droid factories.

A fire suddenly burned in your shoulder as you flew backwards and landed harshly on your back. You thought you heard Kix shout your name. With a wince, you pulled yourself up. You tried to lift your rifle to continue firing, but you found your injured arm to be useless. Kix put his hand on your uninjured shoulder.

“You alright?”

“I can’t use my rifle,” you grimaced. “I can’t lift it.” 

Kix nodded, took your rifle from your hand, and handed you the blaster pistol. The clone winced when he fired, the recoil jarring his own shoulder injury. You shot off a few rounds from the pistol, trying not to think about how you were likely going to die here.

The advancing battle droids were suddenly mowed down by repeated heavy blaster fire. Looking up, you saw the _Meson Martinet_ had swung around and was firing on the droids. In a matter of moments, the threat was handled and the base was silent save the sound of the ship’s engines. 

You dropped your head back against the crates and holstered your blaster pistol. Kix dropped down next to you and immediately began inspecting you.

“Let me see you.” 

The medic’s hands were firm but gentle as he tried to examine your wound. You tried to hide your wince as you reached up and grabbed his hand.

“I think you might in worse shape than me, medic.”

Kix made a small face. You could see the sweat beading at his hairline and a tightness in his eyes. He was clearly in pain. The ship landed and Captain Ithano made his way down the ramp.

“Kix,” you said quietly. You still held his hand in yours. “I’ll be alright. Let’s get you back to the ship and to your medkit.” 

You released his hand and stood up. Kix handed your rifle back to you and you draped it across your back before reaching down and helping the clone up. Carefully, your wrapped his good arm around your shoulders and slowly made your way to the ship. Captain Ithano met you halfway. He regarded you, expression unknowable through the mask he wore.

“I was going to go get him myself,” the Delphidian said dryly.

———

Captain Ithano had taken Kix from you and led him inside the ship. Quiggold had taken the clone from there and led him to Kix’s quarters, which doubled as a medical bay. You took yourself back to your quarters to tend your injury. You had a vague thought at the back of your mind that Kix might be cross with you for not letting him treat your injury himself, but you thought it better not to bother him. He had his own wounds to heal.

You had stashed a barebones medkit under your cot when you first arrived on the ship. It was the same one you’d had when you were on your own. The supplies were sparse, but the kit did have a few bacta patches. 

You carefully removed the rifle from your back and propped it against the wall near your cot. The injury hurt more now that the adrenaline from the battle had worn off and you winced as you began removing your outer layers. You laid your coat and shirt on your cot and tried to look down at your wound.

Neither you nor Reveth spent much time on your appearance, so your shared quarters had no mirror. You wished that you indulged in vanity a little more often because treating the blaster wound would be much easier with a reflective surface to work with. As it was, all you could do was angle your neck uncomfortably as you cleaned and dressed the wound. 

With the bacta patch haphazardly applied, the pain in your shoulder began to ebb. You felt grimy and entertained the idea of heading to the ‘fresher to tidy yourself up. But exhaustion had crept into your bones, so you laid down on your cot and fell into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave comments and kudos if you enjoyed. Chapter 3 just needs some edits and should be up in a few days!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were injured while rescuing Kix, but didn’t go to him for treatment. Now, your Twi’lek crew mate tells you the clone medic is on a warpath.

You were woken by a firm shaking to your injured shoulder. The pain had decreased substantially while you slept, but the jostling made you very aware that you had not yet fully healed. You opened your eyes and blearily looked up at the red Twi’lek staring down at you.

Her mechanical hand was still on your shoulder when she spoke.

“Kix is on a warpath. Just thought I’d warn you.”

You blinked in confusion.

“Why?” you croaked.

“My best guess is that he’s angry at you for getting shot and then not showing up to his medbay,” Reveth said.

Her hand left your shoulder as you sat up. Your neck twinged and you raised your hand to rub at it. You caught Reveth glancing at the bacta pad you had placed precariously on your injury. 

“Looks like you handled it yourself,” she said. You raised an eyebrow at her dry tone.

“Yes, well,” you grunted as you swung your legs over the side of your cot. “I did my best without actually being able to see what I was doing.”

“Kix is gonna say that’s why you should have seen him.”

“Kix had his own injuries to deal with. He didn’t need to be tending to mine,” you said. There was a moment of silence. “We should, maybe, consider a mirror.”

Reveth’s eyes gleamed. The Twi’lek didn’t smile often. She wasn’t unfriendly, per se, but she had a direct way of speaking and didn’t usually waste time on pleasantries. She wasn’t exactly smiling now, but you felt an amused warmth coming from her that you hadn’t before.

“How is your shoulder?”

You shrugged lightly. “It’s not bad, really. I didn’t do a great job applying the bacta patch, but it’s doing it’s job.”

“You’re lucky it is.”

Kix’s voice from the doorway startled you. His eyebrows were drawn tight and he looked displeased, to say the least. 

“You could have nerve damage, you know,” he said as he stepped toward you. His gait was stiff and he had a slight limp from the wound on his leg. You noted the medkit in his hand. The medic sat down next to you and placed the medkit on your cot. 

“Kix, I’m fine.” He looked at you, unimpressed. “Really, I am.”

“I’d like to be the judge of that,” he said as he reached for the bacta patch on your shoulder. He pushed the strap of your undershirt aside as you looked to Reveth. 

“Well,” the Twi’lek said, as she stood up. “I’ll leave you to it, Kix. Take care of her.” Kix nodded an acknowledgment as Reveth left the room. You were mildly annoyed when she made sure to close the door behind her.

You said nothing as Kix removed the bacta patch and disposed of it. He took a moment to examine the wound and the flesh around it.

“It seems to be healing fine on he surface, but I want to make sure everything is in working order.” 

With a gentleness that almost made you uncomfortable, he took your hand and forearm and lifted. You panicked as you realized that you hadn’t showered since before the battle and tensed, stopping Kix from lifting your arm any further.

“I need to check the movement in your shoulder,” he said with the no-nonsense voice of a medic. “The bacta patch you used was fine for a flesh wound, but we don’t know what damage the joint may have taken.” His voice was firm, but not unkind. In your embarrassment, you refused to look at him.

Kix sighed as he let go of your arm, careful not to let it drop suddenly. 

“As the ship’s medic, I outrank you. I can just order you to accept treatment.”

Your eyes shifted to him.

“Kix, we’re on a pirate ship. Other than the captain and Quiggold, what does rank really matter?” 

He rolled his eyes. You knew you were being unreasonable, but it had been so long since you’d had any kind of physical contact that you were feeling uncomfortable. 

“I’ve dealt with injured soldiers who don’t want treatment before.” Kix spoke with an air of someone who usually got his his way in matters like these. “One way or another, I’m going to properly examine your shoulder.”

“Look,” you said, acquiescently. “Just let me shower first. I’ll be clean and I can work out some of the stiffness in my shoulder before you look at it.”

To your horror, a light of recognition appeared in Kix’s eyes as he said your name.

“I was a medic to thousands of troopers in the GAR. I did battlefield triage and then slept in barracks surrounded by men who hadn’t washed in days. The smell of sweat and grime don’t bother me.”

“Kix, I’m not a soldier. Let me have a shower first.” You couldn’t stop the pleading tone from creeping into your voice. The situation had become almost unbearably humiliating for you. The medic had pegged your insecurity with alarming accuracy and speed. 

Kix gave a small smile, but shook his head.

“I’d feel better knowing what state your shoulder is in first,” he said, amusement clear in his voice. “I don’t want to risk you injuring it further.” His hands were back on your arm. “Believe me, you can’t smell worse than some of my brothers.”

You suppress a whine, but hide your face in your free hand. 

“You don’t know that,” you mumble through your fingers.

You hear a soft snort of laughter from the clone as he gently raises your arm up, parallel to the floor. You don’t react, so he pulls your arm toward him, keeping it supported and straight as he does so. Kix goes through a few motions with your arm, being gentle with each movement. You feel some light twinges, but nothing outright painful, so you stay quiet. He lowers your arm and puts his knees on your cot to face you. He turns your body slightly away, exposing your back to him. You felt him lay his arm across your neck and shoulder. Then he pushed down.

The pain was instant and intense. You drew a sharp breath and tried to flinch away. 

“Alright,” Kix said quietly, as he pulls away from you. His hand was still resting lightly on the back of your neck, supporting it.

The pain lingered in your neck and radiated down to your shoulder.

“The good news is that your blaster wound is mostly healed and doesn’t seem to have any long-lasting damage,” he said. “The bad news is you’ve injured your neck, probably from lifting me during the fire fight.”

You tentatively roll your shoulders, wary of any pain that might accompany the movement.

“I’m going to stay here. You go shower and work out some of the stiffness. When you’re done, I’ll put a bacta patch on your neck.”

You nod slightly and wince a bit at the tiny movement. Grabbing a spare undershirt that was cleaner than the one you had on, you left the room and headed to the ‘fresher.

The hot water cascaded down your tired and sore body. You thought about how Kix had referred to soldiers twice in the short time span of your conversation. He didn’t outright call you a soldier, but you got the inkling that he might have thought of you as one. It told you a lot about the medic and what his mindset likely was. 

You had heard of warriors on your planet forming battlefield bonds. Those relationships were built from the trauma and pain of war. The history of the Clone Wars was lost on you, but you knew Kix had served. He’d certainly had bonds with his fellow clones. You knew, deep down, those were bonds you couldn’t even begin to fathom. If Kix thought of you as a soldier, he may start to develop a similar attachment to you. The thought didn’t sit well with you. You were not a soldier, so there was no battlefield bond to be made. 

You pushed those thoughts from your mind and massaged your neck under the warm water. When you stepped out of the shower, the pain had all but disappeared. The memory of the discomfort, however, lingered in your mind. You were extra careful as you dried and dressed yourself. You brushed the tangles out of your hair and twisted it into a low braid. Sparing a quick glance at yourself in the mirror, you left the ‘fresher and headed back to your quarters.

Kix, true to his word, was still sitting on your cot when you returned. You sat down next to him.

“You smell much better.”

You fixed him with a look you thought could kill, but he only laughed. It was a small, airy chuckle that softened his face.

You turned your back to him and hoped the blush you felt forming wasn’t visible on the back of your neck. Kix rummaged through his medkit for a moment. Then you felt him push your braid aside and drape it over your shoulder. His fingers brushed against your skin and you felt your blush deepen.

“Just getting rid of some of the dampness,” said Kix. “I want to make sure your skin is dry before I apply the bacta.” You felt a soft piece of gauze being dragged lightly on the nape of your neck. Maybe he sensed some of your discomfort or maybe it was standard procedure, but you appreciated Kix narrating his treatment. He disposed of the gauze and applied the patch to your now dry skin.

“We’ll leave that on for a day or so. In the meantime, you should rest your neck and shoulder as much as you can. No heavy lifting.” Kix closed his medkit and stood. “I’ll talk to the captain, but I don’t think it should be a problem if you’re off duty for a couple days.”

You turned toward the medic and looked up at him. His expression was almost soft and you let yourself believe for a moment that he genuinely cared for your wellbeing.

_Maybe he does_ , you thought to yourself. _He is a medic. He’s supposed to care about people._

“Thank you.”

Kix nodded and a small smile graced his features before his expression turned serious.

“Don’t do that again,” he said.

“Do what?” You asked. “Run after you when you’re injured in a battle?” 

You felt yourself become defensive. Maybe he didn’t think of you as a soldier. Did he think that you shouldn’t be running headlong into the line of fire?

Or was it that he just didn’t want you to be the one to go after him?

Kix let out a small huff and mumbled, “That too.” His expression softened again when he saw your quizzical look. “Don’t avoid me when you’re injured. I’m a medic. Helping people is what I do.”

“Yeah, okay,” you said after a pause. “I’ll let you take the bacta patch off.”

Kix turned to leave, but hesitated before turning back to you.

“And thank you,” he said. “For running after me.”

He smiled at you before he left you sitting alone on your cot.

“That didn’t seem like a warpath,” you said quietly to the empty room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’re healing from your injuries and are caught off guard when revelations about the crew’s feelings toward you come to light. Kix offers guidance when you share your thoughts.

The captain approved light duty for you at Kix’s request, so the day after the medic treated your injuries, you found yourself in the cargo hold of the ship with Squeaky. The Gamorrean was lifting and stacking crates of supplies while you took inventory. You couldn’t be sure because your Gamorrean language skills were rusty, but you had the feeling that Squeaky was upset with you.

You tried to write off your suspicion. You hadn’t done anything to warrant your crew mate’s ire and you didn’t want to indulge the self important side of you that believed Squeaky cared enough to be angry with you. But you took notice when your large crew mate dropped a crate with more force that was necessary.

“Careful Squeaky,” you said. “The captain won’t be happy if we damage any of our inventory. He doesn’t want to make any unscheduled supply runs.”

You got an angry sounding snort in response. The datapad in your hand drooped a bit as you regarded the Gamorrean. You got no more response from him and you tried to ignore how seemed to be pointedly avoiding your gaze.

Lifting the datapad back up, you continued the inventory as Squeaky stacked more crates.

You were concentrating on the datapad as Squeaky continued with the heavy lifting. You appreciated that you were assigned light duty and not written off duty entirely. Inventory was a tedious job, but it kept you engaged enough that your mind didn’t wander too much. It kept you from remembering how Kix’s fingers felt along your neck while he was treating your injury. Double checking the supply list also kept you from thinking about how warm the medic’s hands were on your arm, or how gentle his touch was.

Squeaky slammed another crate down, startling you out of your reverie. Your face felt warm and you realized you were blushing. You shook your head lightly. It was no good thinking about Kix like that. He was a good medic. His treatment of you was no indication that he thought of you any differently than the other crew members, so there was no use pining. 

‘Nip this in the bud, kiddo,’ you thought to your self.

You turned to Squeaky. He was still treating the cargo roughly and looked angry.

“What did these crates do to upset you?” you asked lightly.

A loud and indignant squeal was your response, followed by a series of grunts and snorts. You understood, maybe, every fourth word, but you had the distinct impression the Gamorrean was lecturing you.

You put the datapad down on one of the nearby crates and listened to Squeaky’s tirade. When his rant tapered off, the two of you stood in silence. You weren’t sure how to respond. The quiet stretched out, making the situation more awkward every second that something wasn’t said.

“He’s upset with you.” 

Reveth’s voice echoed in the cargo area.

“Why?”

Squeaky snorted.

“He’s upset about the last Separatist base we hit,” Reveth said as she descended into the cargo hold. When she got close enough, you could see a faint uncertainty on her features. 

“Do you - do you really not know why he’s upset?”

You shook your head as your eyes flickered back and forth between the Gamorrean and Twi’lek.

Reveth exchanged a look with Squeaky, who let out a soft squeal. You might have imagined it, but it sounded almost like pity.

“You could have died,” Reveth said. You must not have had the reaction she was expecting so she elaborated. “Squeaky is a gentle soul, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. He doesn’t cope well when crew members die on jobs.” Here Reveth paused and looked very meaningfully at you. “Especially the crew members he likes.”

It took longer than you cared to admit to fully register what had been said to you. When the realization settled in that Squeaky cared enough about you to be worried about your safety, you turned toward him. 

Gamorreans are a large species and Squeaky was above average in his size. He was wide set and close to six feet tall, with impressive tusks jutting out from his lower jaw. His eyes were narrow and set close together on his face, giving him a permanent look of anger. His armor was made up of intricately hammered metal and furs, which gave him the appearance of being even larger than he already was. Simply put, Squeaky cut an intimidating figure.

In that moment, though, he looked sheepish. You felt slack jawed as you tried to gather your thoughts. 

“I - I don’t really know what to say. I’m sorry I worried you,” you offered. “I can’t say I won’t do it again, though.” Squeaky let out a displeased grunt. “I can’t. I don’t know if I’ll react the same way in a similar situation in the future.”

Beyond the thoughtful snuffles coming from Squeaky, there was quiet between the three of you. You didn’t know how to fully explain how you hadn’t processed reacting when you ran after the injured Kix. Nor did you know how to articulate that you would almost certainly do the same thing again for anyone on the crew. You didn’t feel like you were friends with any of them, but you knew without a doubt that you would put yourself in harm’s way for them. And you didn’t know why.

It was Reveth who broke the silence. 

“Kix wanted you. Said it was time to check the bacta patch.”

You nodded, head still a bit foggy, and left the cargo area. As you were walking away you heard Reveth speaking softly to Squeaky.

“It’s okay. She’ll understand one day.”

What you were meant to understand, you didn’t know. But a feeling of guilt settled heavy in your chest as you made your way to Kix for treatment.

When you arrived at the medbay, Kix immediately questioned you.

“You alright?” he asked. “You look troubled.”

“Squeaky’s mad at me.”

The medic’s dark eyebrows arched. He moved toward you and gestured to a cot. You sat down, still mulling over the revelation that someone on the crew was concerned about you. You said as much to Kix.

“I’m just not used to people caring, I guess.” You tried to sound nonchalant, but you weren’t certain you succeeded. The revelation that Squeaky saw you as anything other than an expendable and replaceable crew mate had rattled you.

You didn’t know how to handle this. You liked Squeaky, but you had never considered that you could be friends with him. The possibility of finding friendship on this crew never crossed your mind. Reveth had seemed to pick up on that and you quietly pondered the possibility that you were more damaged than you had realized.

Kix’s voice was low and warm as his hands reached up to pull your collar down. Your eyes landed on the bunk across the room and you were suddenly reminded that this medbay doubled as Kix’s quarters. His fingers brushed the top of your spine and you tensed. If Kix noticed, he didn’t say anything.

“Did anyone tell you the story of how they found me?”

You shook your head.

“Not really,” you said. “Reveth said you were in stasis on a Separatist ship.”

Kix started to peel the bacta patch off the back of your neck.

“The ship I was on had crashed on a desert planet. When Captain Ithano and the others found me, the droids on the ship reactivated. An ion storm had recharged them.” He paused to dispose of the bacta patch. “We all made it to an escape pod, but it was too small to fit all of us. The captain stayed behind and let the rest of us leave safely on the escape pod. I was also unconscious for all of it. Captain Ithano could have left me behind, but he made sure the crew took me in the pod with them.”

Kix placed his hand on your shoulder, prompting you to look at him.

“The point I’m trying to make is that these are good people with deep bonds. They don’t leave anyone behind.”

Kix squeezed your shoulder and gave you a small nod. He moved back behind you to examine your neck. The medic gave you instructions to move your head in different directions to test your neck’s mobility. By the end of it, he seemed satisfied that you didn’t need another bacta patch.

“I still want you to take it easy for a couple days,” he said. “Just to make sure the injury is fully healed. I’ll tell the captain that you should stay doing inventory for the time being.”

“We should be done with that soon,” you said. “We were already about halfway through it when you called me up here.”

Kix nodded. “You can help me do an inventory of of medical supplies when you’re done with Squeaky, then.”

He reached up and readjusted your collar. His hands were warm and gentle against your skin. You felt your breath fall short and your throat constrict as Kix stood and moved away from you.

“Why do you have a proper bunk?”

You blurted the question out.

Kix turned back to you, eyebrows were raised in surprise.

“I mean,” you fumbled. “I just have a flimsy cot and you have a bunk with an actual mattress.”

He looked at his cot and seemed to consider it before turning back to you.

“I guess it’s a perk of being the ship’s medic,” he said. “Though, your recovery would benefit from a more supportive sleeping arrangement.”

Panic bubbled inside you.

“Th- That’s not what I meant.”

Kix ignored you. 

“You should take my bunk while you recover. It’ll be more support for your neck.” His voice had a tone of finality.

“No, I —“

“I can take the cot in here, so if you need me in the night I’ll be close by.”

“That’s not necessary, really. I’m fine. My neck is fine. I don’t need your bunk. I mean, I’m sure it’s comfortable and has better support or whatever but I’ll be fine with my own cot and…”

You trailed off when you noticed Kix was smiling brightly at you. The brilliance of his grin caught you off guard and your panic dissipated.

“You’re teasing me,” you accused.

“I’m teasing you.”

He let out a soft chuckle. His smile diminished some, but his face was still bright. 

“You seemed tense,” he said lightly. “I hoped some teasing between friends might help you relax. Did it work?”

_Stars help me_ , you thought. _He is so handsome_.

“I guess.”

“Good. Because I have no plans to share my bunk with anyone. It’s more comfortable than anything I ever had in the GAR and I don’t want to part with it.”

You let out a small snort.

“Right,” you said while heading to the door. “I’ll finish up inventory with Squeaky and then come back here to help you.”

“Sounds like a plan. Be sure to let Squeaky do all the lifting. I don’t want to see you in here again with another injury.”

You acknowledged him with a wave. You felt lighter than you had in years as you headed back down to cargo. You greeted Squeaky with a small smile and picked up the datapad.

“Let’s get this done, Squeaky.” The Gamorrean saw your relaxed mood and mirrored it. “We can get lunch when we’re finished here?” you ventured.

Squeaky snuffled happily in response and the two of you got back to work.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You find yourself trapped in enemy territory with Reveth when a job goes wrong.

You’d lost count of the number of emotions that were running through you. All you knew for certain was that they were all negative and they were impacting your ability to think clearly. A potentially deadly combination given your current situation.

The only consolation you had was Reveth. The two of you had been together when this mess had started and had managed to stay together. It was a comfort knowing Reveth, with her level head, was with you.

“Okay,” the Twi’lek said quietly. “We need to find our way back to the captain. You and I can hold our own for a while, but if too many of these slimos show up, we’re farkled.” 

The swears she was using were new to you, but you got the gist of what she was telling you. Under no circumstances could the two of you be caught unawares by the residents of this compound. Simple enough.

“What’s the plan?” 

Reveth considered your question for a moment. 

“I’ll take the lead. You watch our backs. We move slow and quiet so we don’t attract attention.”

She turned toward you and placed a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“We’ll get out of this, okay? I’ll get us out of this.”

Your stomach dropped. 

“Reveth,” you said. “What aren’t you telling me?”

Her face fell. The hand on your shoulder squeezed and you saw her considering whether she should be honest with you. You reached up and placed your hand on her forearm. Comfort goes both ways and you could see Reveth needed reassurance. She took a deep breath before answering.

“These guys are slavers. We get caught, we get sold.”

You added dread to your list of emotions. 

With a curt nod to your Twi’lek crew mate, you gripped her forearm tightly. Reveth’s lips drew a grim line on her face, but determination flared in her eyes. You let go of each other and began to move. 

You drew the small blaster from the hidden holster at your ankle and position yourself behind Reveth as she crept along the corridor. The two of you stayed close to the wall and listened intently for any signs of approaching goons.

You’d had a bad feeling about these guys when they approached Captain Ithano. They had come looking to team up on a job saying there was a large payout at the end of it. All they had to do was acquire some cargo, but their crew was too small for the job. They needed the Crimson Corsair’s crew to assist. 

Or so they claimed.

The captain of the other crew had a plan that required separate search parties. Your suspicion was raised even higher from your initial impression.

“Captain?”

He had turned to look at you when he’d heard your unspoken question. His expression was unknowable beneath his mask, but a slight shake of his head had told you all you needed to know. There was no discussion to be had. Just get through the job.

Captain Ithano’s party included Squeaky, Quiggold, Kix, and three of the other pirate crew. You were with Reveth, the other captain, and two of his men. Before parting ways, you had grabbed Kix’s elbow.

“Be careful,” you had muttered. “Something about this doesn’t feel right.”

The medic had taken in the doubt in your eyes and nodded. His hand covered yours and he nodded.

“You too.”

Kix gave your hand a light squeeze. He then disappeared down one corridor with Captain Ithano’s party and you had gone down another with Reveth. The grim anticipation had not left you, even after the other captain’s betrayal. You had been prepared and was able to put a blaster bolt through the skull of the traitorous captain and Reveth had made quick work of his hapless underlings.

Reveth rounded a corner, but backtracked immediately. You steadied her with a hand on her back when she stumbled into you and you both crouched down. The sound of hurried steps reached your ears.

Reveth pushed you back behind a pillar. With baited breath and backs pressed firmly against the wall, the two of you waited until the rushed footsteps passed by. Reveth waited a moment more and then pulled you by your wrist.

There was something in the way she held on to you that set off alarms in your head. Reveth never outwardly showed any strong affection towards you, but you had noticed her friendlier disposition in the weeks since your exchange with her and Squeaky in the cargo hold of the _Meson Martinet_. Her amiable attitude didn’t explain her crushing grip on your wrist, however. 

You were nearing the entrance of the compound where you had parted ways with the rest of your crew. There was a closed blast door ahead of you and a shout behind you. With a firm hand, you pushed Reveth forward as you fired at the slavers to your rear. 

Reveth rushed toward the blast door and immediately set to work trying to open it. She pulled the panel cover off and started shifting wires. You stood behind her with your blaster firing at your would be captors.

“How we doing, Reveth?”

“Working on it!”

You managed to take down a few of the men advancing on you, but several others kept creeping forward between shots. None of the slavers were firing back, you noted with alarm. 

A stun blast caught you in the shoulder just as Reveth got the blast door open. Your mind reeled, but you were still conscious. You knew, though, that you were going to be a dead weight. With your last bit of strength you shoved Reveth through the blast door and fired on the control panel.

“No! What are you doing?” Reveth’s voice was faint from the other side of the blast door.

“It’s okay, Reveth,” you shouted, your hand on the door. “I’m okay.”

Electricity suddenly coursed through you and you cried out as one of the slavers hit you again with his stun baton. You were unconscious before your body hit the floor.

— — — 

When you woke, you had no idea how much time had passed. You lifted your head and tried to examine your surroundings, but your eyes wouldn’t focus. Shutting your eyes tight, you took a deep breath to steady yourself. 

You hurt everywhere. The men who caught you had hit you hard on your back with the stun batons and your sciatic nerve was flaring painfully, limiting your ability to move your legs. Your head was pounding and each pulse beat felt like a blunt force striking inside your skull.

There was a metal collar around your neck, chafing the skin under it, and there was a chain attaching you to the wall. You opened your eyes slowly and let your gaze follow the chain to where is as fastened. It was a short lead, you thought grimly, made to ensure you had limited movement. 

A door opened somewhere near you and you heard heavy footsteps approaching you. A large hand grabbed the chain attached to your neck and pulled roughly. You grunted as you were brought within inches of a stranger’s face.

The old Pantoran had a smug grin on his weathered face and a sadistic glint in his eye.

“My name is Ganado.” His hot breath spread over your face and you suppressed a gag. “I run this outfit. The men who captured you and the man who approached your captain, Sidon Ithano, for this job, they all work for me.” He leaned back and gave another sharp tug on the chain, causing you to fall on your hands and knees in front of him.

"You killed my favorite captain. And, as recompense, you are now my property until such a time comes that I see fit to sell you.” He towered above you, reveling in the power he held over you.

Ganado grabbed your chain and picked you up sharply. Your neck protested at the movement, but the discomfort was quickly replaced by a blossoming pain in your ribs. Ganado’s knee dug into your midsection where it remained as his fist came down on the back of your head. He threw you against the wall of the cell as you coughed harshly. His hand gripped your hair and yanked your head back so you were forced to look at him.

“The first lesson is easiest. It’s just an introduction to what’s ahead.” He gripped your chin hard enough to bruise. “I’ll see you again in the morning.”

You let your head drop to your chest when Ganado released you. As his footsteps retreated and you were left in silence, your thoughts drifted to the _Meson Martinet_. 

Did Reveth make it to safety? Did the rest of the crew get out of the compound? Would they come back for you?

An image of Kix’s grinning face entered, unbidden, into your mind. Your chest tightened and your breath fell short. 

You wanted the crew to come back for you. You wanted to be rescued.

But you refused to hope for it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The physical abuse at the hands of your captor, Ganado, was not the worst part of being held prisoner. In your despair, you try desperately to remember your crew mates' kindness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There is some violence in this installment. As you know, the Reader was captured last chapter by a slaver named Ganado. Reader is on the receiving end of Ganado's physical and emotional abuse. It's not terribly detailed, but enough that it might be uncomfortable for some readers.

There was no chronometer or windows in the cell, so you had no idea how long you’d been held captive. The beatings from Ganado were the only indication that time was passing. He came into your cell twice a day to continue giving what he called his “lessons”. 

The physical abuse from Ganado was, strangely enough, not the worst part of being his prisoner. The worst part came immediately following the beatings when Ganado would hold your chin in his hand and spoon feed you meals. The first time he’d attempted it, you tried to pull your head away. Ganado responded by gripping your throat with such ferocity you’d thought he’d crush your windpipe. 

The way he fed you was the most unsettling thing you’d ever experienced. He would hold your chin, almost gently, as he carefully placed spoonfuls of tasteless nutritive gel in your mouth. The experience could be mistaken for being tender if not for the malicious gleam that never left his eyes. 

You could handle the blows to your body, but mealtimes nearly broke you.

In the hours between morning and night you were left alone chained in your cell. There was nothing to do but let your thoughts run wild and you didn’t like where they ended up.

In the dank solitude of captivity you were facing uncomfortable truths about yourself. You had known for years that you held a deep loneliness inside of you, but you had never acknowledged just how deep the desolation permeated within you. You were desperate for affection and a comforting touch. 

Lord help you, you had started looking forward to mealtimes with Ganado.

Tears sprang to your eyes and your throat constricted. You hated yourself for wanting any sort of contact from the slaver, but you couldn’t remember the last time anyone had touched you gently.

You bowed forward and placed your forehead on the floor of the cell. The binders on your wrists limited your movement, but you managed to wipe the tears from your eyes. You took a steadying breath.

 _Reveth_ , you thought. _Reveth held onto you when you were trying to escape. She touched your shoulder._

You took a steadying breath. There were more instances like that. You knew that. You started clawing at memories, trying to recall anything that even vaguely resembled affection.

You thought about how Squeaky stopped you at the last port city to show you those swimming creatures in the tanks. You sat with him and watched them swim until Quiggold showed up and told you it was time to go back to the ship. 

You remembered the peg legged first mate sitting with you shortly after you joined the crew and telling you about his prayer beads. It hadn’t occurred to you then, but it was likely his way of integrating you into the crew. His way of making sure you weren’t left out by engaging you in conversation.

And Kix. You recalled the way his fingers felt on your neck when he pushed your hair out of the way when he was treating your injury. Or the way he placed his hand on yours when you last saw him and told him to be careful. You could clearly see the bright smile he gave you when he was teasing you in the medbay. 

Reveth had tried to save you. Squeaky and Quiggold had shared their interests with you. Kix had been warm and gentle with you. That was affection, not this perverse display from the Pantoran slaver.

You picked your head up with renewed determination. You would not let Ganado break you.

— — — 

“Good evening, my pet.”

Ganado’s voice dripped with false sweetness. One of his underlings carried the platter with your gel dinner and placed it on the floor. In Ganado’s gloved hand was an electro-jabber.

“It’s time for your nightly lesson.”

Ganado’s free hand yanked your head back and he placed a hard kick to your stomach. His grip on your hair was tight enough that your head couldn’t move with you your body’s reaction, causing a crest of pain across your neck and shoulders. With a hard twist, Ganado dragged you onto your back and pinned you to the floor with a knee on your stomach. He brandished the electro-jabber in your face before digging sharply into your side. 

The jolt of electricity made you spasm beneath your captor. Your jaw was locked from the surge, but you could hear your own pained grunts. Ganado pulled the jabber back from you and your body slumped back to the floor. Before he could administer another dose of electricity, an explosion sounded outside the cell. 

You could hear shouts and blaster fire from beyond the cell door, but you didn’t have the energy to look for the source. Ganado swore loudly and stood, holding the electro-jabber in front of him. He was cut down by a flash of red, dead before he hit the floor. 

Sidon Ithano stood over the slaver’s body, his Corellian cutlass in hand. A rainbow of different species’ blood dripped from the blade. Your captain wiped the blade clean on Ganado’s coat before sheathing it. He turned and knelt beside you.

“Captain?”

Your voice was hoarse as you choked the word out. You reached your bound hands out, not quite believing he was there. Captain Ithano took your hands and unlocked the binders. He then slipped his hand behind your neck and supported you as he sat you up. Once the collar was removed, he hooked one arm under your knees and one around your shoulders and lifted you. You let your head fall against his shoulder as he carried you out of your cell.

“Is she okay?” 

Reveth’s voice, strained with concern, was the last thing you heard before losing consciousness.

— — —

You didn’t know where you were when you woke, nor how much time had passed. Blinking blearily at the ceiling, you waited for your mind to catch up to your eyes.

Captain Ithano. 

Had he actually rescued you or had you dreamed the whole experience? The room you were in was dark when you woke, but not as dark as the slaver’s cell. Your back was pressed into a mattress. It was soft compared to the hard floor you’d been sleeping on in captivity. 

Your rescue must have been real then.

You took a moment to self evaluate. Your body still ached in places, but the level of pain had lessened considerably from where it was in the slaver’s compound. 

_Analgesic?_

That would explain the lingering grogginess fogging your mind.

You turned your head carefully, remembering the abuse your neck took at the hands of Ganado. The room you were in had emergency lights on, bathing the space in a soft glow. The low light afforded you enough visibility to see your surroundings.

There was a cabinet near you, its doors securely closed, and a low table with medical supplies laid out. There was a bucket on the floor next to the table filled with soiled gauze and gloves. Someone had treated your injuries. 

The sound of shifting fabric drew your attention away from the medical supplies.

Kix was asleep on a cot across the room from you. He was laid on his side, one arm dangling off the side of the cot. A soft snore escaped him and something in you broke.

Your chest grew tight and it was suddenly difficult to breathe. You moved to sit up, ignoring the pain flaring across your body. A choked sound made it past your lips, waking the sleeping medic.

“Hey.” Kix’s voice was soft as he jumped from the cot. “Hey, you’re okay. Don’t get up.”

Kix placed a hand on your shoulder and tried to stop you from sitting up any further. You pushed your body against his hand and managed to sit up, moving your legs to hang off the side of the bed. Your breath was ragged and your body shaking so much that, if Kix’s hand wasn’t anchoring you, you thought you might fall to floor.

“You’re safe. You’re safe now. We’re on the _Meson Martinet_ in the medbay.” 

Kix kneeled down in front of you, his hand dropping to hold just above your elbow. Your chest was still tight, but his voice broke through the mounting panic and was drawing you back in.

You were safe on the ship. You were in the medbay. In Kix’s quarters. The clone medic must have treated your wounds and had fallen asleep in the cot to be nearby. He had been watching over you while you were injured and unconscious. 

The tension in your chest released suddenly and you let out a soft sob. He tightened his grip on your arm, not enough to cause any discomfort but enough to remind you that he was there. This was real. You reached out to him, fingers lightly brushing the fabric of his shirt.

Kix hesitated a moment, then moved to sit beside you. He wrapped his arm around your body, pulling you firmly against him. With his free hand, he interlocked his fingers with yours and you let him rest your head on his chest. He said nothing as he held you. He asked no questions, offered no empty placations. Kix’s only purpose in that moment was to communicate physical safety and security and he would hold onto you until you got the message. 

You’re not sure how long you stayed in Kix’s hold. You moved your head and buried it in the crook of his neck as he brought his chin to rest on top of your hair. You couldn’t recall ever being held like this, and you thought it should feel overwhelming. Instead, the contact was grounding you, pulling you into the present where you were safe. 

You wanted to ask if this was typical behavior for him. Did he often embrace his patients as a medic in the Clone Army? Was this a typical course of treatment? 

As you calmed down and came back to yourself, you found your voice.

“I thought you said you’d never share your bunk.” 

You felt Kix’s soft exhaled laugh as much as you heard it. He took the hand around your shoulder and placed it on your head, his fingers gently pressing into your hair.

“Only with you,” he said against your scalp. “I’ll share it with you.”

The combination of the analgesic still in your system and the warmth from Kix’s body lulled you back into a mercifully dreamless slumber.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following your rescue, you wake to find yourself safe and warm in Kix’s quarters.

The lights in the medbay were still low when you woke and the feeling of safety and warmth still enveloped you. You let your eyes flutter shut and listened to the steady heartbeat under your ear.

At some point, Kix had laid down with you still in his arms. He had one hand tangled in your hair, holding your head close to his chest. His other hand was laying atop the arm you had draped across his stomach. You shifted, trying to get just a little closer to him. Kix responded by tightening his hold around you and moving his chin to rest on your head.

There were a few more moments of uninterrupted warmth before Kix broke the stillness. The hand he’d had in your hair was carefully extracted. He trailed his hand down over your shoulder and let it come to rest on your upper back, where he rubbed small circles. The hand that was on your arm gave a light squeeze. He let out a soft sigh, deep enough that your head rose with his chest.

It occurred to you that he thought you were still asleep and was trying to wake you gently. You reflexively grabbed a handful of his shirt as you stretched along the side of his body. A pained grunt escaped you.

“How are you feeling?” 

Kix’s voice was low and quiet. He sat up, bringing you with him. After some shuffling, he had you sitting upright. He sat at the very edge of the mattress and turned toward you. You took a few moments to assess how you’re injuries were feeling.

“Better, I think.” 

And you did think so. You were still sore and aching, but the pain level had decreased. 

“Okay, good,” Kix said softly. His hand was still on your back, providing a gentle pressure you found comforting. “When you were brought back on board, Reveth helped clean you up some. But I think a proper wash will help you. You feel up for a trip to the ‘fresher?” 

You nodded. A shower would work wonders on your sore body and being clean would help clear your mind.

“Alright, let’s get you up.”

Kix kept his one hand on your back and used the other one to take your hand. You were able to stand on your own, but his hands were there supporting you if you needed it. He walked with you to the ‘fresher, keeping one hand on you the entire way, only removing it when you arrived.

“I’ll have Reveth bring you a change of clothes,” he said. “When you’re done in here, I want you to to try to eat something.” 

You nodded and headed into the ‘fresher to shower. The moment the hot water hit your skin, your muscles relaxed. You stood beneath the stream of water and focused on the heat of the spray. After a couple of minutes, you ventured a a glance down at your body. 

You weren’t surprised by the bruises covering your torso, but you hadn’t expected it to be as extensive as it was. Your midsection was mottled in purple contusions, the darkest spots being over your ribs.

Very carefully, you began to wash yourself off. You made sure to keep the pressure of your scrubbing light enough to avoid any discomfort, but firm enough to remove any lingering grime.

Reveth’s voice called out your name, breaking your concentration. You startled lightly and winced when you brushed against a particularly tender spot on your side. 

“I brought you clothes,” she said.

“Thank you. I’m almost done.”

“Take your time,” she called.

You washed your hair as quickly as you could and then allowed yourself a few extra moments of just standing beneath the spray of water. You shut the tap off and wrapped a towel around your body before stepping out. Reveth was waiting for you.

“Your clothes were pretty messed up,” she said. “So I brought some you could borrow while we got yours cleaned up.”

Reveth was holding a sleeveless shirt that was obviously hers and pants that must have been Kix’s. Kix was taller than you, but Reveth's build was different enough from yours that you knew her pants wouldn’t have fit you. The Twi’lek must have realized that, too, and opted to raid the medic’s spare clothes.

“Let me help,” she said quietly as she set the clean clothes down. There was a earnest kindness in her voice that made your throat constrict. She was looking at you imploringly, like she was afraid you would refuse her offer of aid. You blinked and silently nodded, not trusting yourself to speak. 

She took the towel that you had wrapped around your body and used it to gently dry your hair. The moisture still clinging to your skin started to dry and it occurred to you that you hadn’t been naked in front of someone in a very long time. You suddenly felt vulnerable and you thought that should have made you uncomfortable; a few months ago it would have. But, in that moment, you felt safe with Reveth. The vulnerability was refreshing, in a way. You were relieved that you were in a place you could be so exposed and not suffer for it.

When she was finished towel drying your hair, Reveth helped you dress. She helped pull the shirt over your head, being mindful of your sore neck and shoulders, and then rolled up the too-long pant legs before she sat you down so she could brush the tangles from your hair. 

The motion of the brush combing gently through your hair lulled you into a kind of trance. Any tension you still held started to leave your body and you let your eyes drift shut. Just as you felt yourself slipping into sleep, Reveth spoke. 

“I’m glad you’re okay,” she said quietly enough you almost missed it. “But I’m so angry at you.”

Your eyes opened and you stared at the wall in front of you. The tension started to creep back into your spine.

“We could have made it out together. You didn’t have to -"

She cut herself off. You heard her take a deep, wavering breath.

“I left you behind.”

Reveth’s voice was smaller than you had ever heard it. You knew in your heart that she was feeling guilt, fueled by her perceived abandonment of you. Your capture was a result of a choice you made, though. You had to make her realize that.

You reached your hand up and caught hers as she brushed your hair. You wrapped your fingers around her wrist and squeezed.

“Remember when Squeaky was angry at me for running after Kix? I told him that I couldn’t promise I wouldn’t do something like that again.” 

You pulled her hand toward you and felt her press against your upper back. Her arm wrapped around you and came to rest just below your collar bone. 

“You didn’t leave me behind, Reveth. I got you to safety.”

The Twi’lek hugged you tightly and pressed her forehead to your shoulder. The two of you stayed in that position for several moments before Reveth responded.

“I still think we could have made it out together.”

Her voice, which had been thick with guilt just moments before, was light. You smiled and let out a soft chuckle as she stood up. Reveth twisted your hair into a braid and came around to stand in front of you.

“Let’s get you back to Kix.”

She took your hand and pulled you up. The walk back to the medbay was filled with a companionable silence and, despite the ordeal you suffered at the hands of Ganado, you felt lighter than you had in years.

Kix was sitting on his bunk waiting for you when you arrived.

“Feel better?”

“I do,” you responded.

Reveth directed you to the bed and you sat down. Kix had placed a bowl of broth and a piece of bread on a tray ready for you.

“I thought it better to start slow with the food,” he said. “Captain Ithano told me he saw a gel meal in the cell where he found you. If you’ve only had that for the last five days, a liquid broth is less likely to upset your stomach.”

Your eyes were unfocused. Five days? You had been in that cell for five days? It felt longer than that.

“Hey.” Kix’s soft voice brought you back into focus. “You’re safe here. That bastard isn’t going to get you.”

“He means that,” Reveth added. “The captain killed the slaver and destroyed the compound.”

You turned to the Twi’lek, shocked. 

“He did? Were there others there, though?”

Reveth nodded. “We have about a dozen recently freed slaves in the cargo area. Quiggold is overseeing their treatment while Kix has been looking after you. Captain Ithano made sure the cells were all empty before he burned the place down.”

You were dumbfounded. Not only had the captain come back for you, he had orchestrated the rescue of others. You thought back to the conversation you’d had with Kix that night weeks earlier. This crew really didn’t leave anyone behind. 

“Eat,” Kix prompted. You picked up the spoon and started in on the broth. Kix and Reveth sat silently for a moment before starting a quiet conversation, but you could feel their attention never really left you.

“I should go and let you rest,” Reveth said when you had finished eating. “Kix, take care of her.”

“I will,” the clone responded.

Reveth gathered up tray and left the medbay. Kix sat beside you on the bunk and began to take your vitals.

“What’s the captain’s plan for the freed slaves?”

“We’re heading back to Ponemah Terminal. Captain Ithano has offered a spot on the crew for anyone who might want it. Anyone who doesn’t want to join can find their way on Ponemah.”

You nodded and let Kix carry on with his check. It wasn’t long before you felt your eyelids grow heavy. Kix’s hand came to rest on yours.

“Come on,” he said. “You should rest.”

“I haven’t done anything,” you mumbled. “I don’t know why I’m so tired.”

“You’re healing,” Kix said matter of factly. “That’s doing something.”

You leaned against him, your shoulder bumping his arm. 

“Do you remember when you told me that I looked the way you felt?” you asked.

Kix looked at you with knowing eyes. 

“I remember sitting at that fire, not sure of my place in the crew,” he said. “Not sure of my place in the galaxy. And I looked at you and saw something in your eyes that I’d felt in the deepest part of myself.” Kix reached out and brushed a loose strand of hair out of your face. “You looked lost.”

“I think I was,” you said as you felt his finger tips brush your cheek. “I don’t feel lost anymore.”

Kix’s eyes held something in them you weren’t ready to recognize, but if you were pressed, you would have called it fondness.

“Neither do I.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s been two standard months since the incident with Ganado and you still have bad days. You wake up on one of those bad days and find an unexpected source of comfort in the ship’s kitchen.

You would have liked to been able to say that the Ganado incident was behind you. But, it had been about two standard months since your rescue and you still had bad days.

This was a bad day.

You woke up and the room around you felt fuzzy and out of focus. As you sat up, you blinked hard hoping to dispel the fog in your mind. It didn’t work.

You suppressed a sigh so as not to alert Reveth to your current state. You had grown closer to her in the months since your rescue and she had become very protective of you. You knew this miasma in your mind would pass eventually, so you had no intention of worrying the Twi’lek.

You dragged a hand across your face and stood up. With the thought that a shower might help, you headed to the ‘fresher. To your dismay, it was occupied. You stood in front of the door and considered your options. You either go back to your quarters and risk waking Reveth before you had a chance to clear your mind, or you could go to the small kitchen to get some breakfast.

It was early enough that you might get lucky and not run into anyone while getting food, so you made your way to the kitchen. When you arrived, you were greeted with the sight of Captain Ithano sat at the table. You paused, almost imperceptibly, before you carried on to the chiller. You were certain the captain saw your hesitation. In the nearly half a standard year you’d been a crew member, you’d learned to read your captain. Most days it was a useful skill knowing what he wanted and expected. Today, it felt more like a curse.

You felt your skin crawl as you became hyperaware of your captain’s eyes boring into your back. It took all your willpower to not roll your shoulders to relieve the tension building there. You startled when a large hand settled on your shoulder and turned away from the open chiller to see Captain Ithano standing behind you. His Kaleesh mask was off, giving you a rare look at his face. The Delphidian’s dark eyes were fixed on you and you were struck by how unreadable he was even without his mask.

“Sit.”

The captain’s hand guided you away from the chiller and in the direction of a chair. You obeyed without question. Captain Ithano reached into the chiller and pulled out a Jogan fruit and some bread. He cut up the fruit, placing it on a plate with the bread, before setting the small meal in front of you.

“Eat.”

His voice was deep and held a tone that left little room for argument. You looked at the captain and then down to the plate he had set in front of you. With a healthy amount of confusion, you started to eat the food your captain had prepared for you. Captain Ithano sat across from you and watched you while you ate. It was deeply uncomfortable and an image of you choking on the food in front of your captain entered your mind. You managed to finish your meal without incident.

There was a beat of silence after you finished eating before the captain spoke.

“We’re stopping to resupply on Batuu.”

“Okay.”

A beat.

“Captain?”

You realized that you didn’t really know what to say. Sidon Ithano was many things, but you did not think affectionate was one of them. The fact that he had prepared you food said something else, though.

“Thank you.”

The reticent Delphidian honked softly in reply and stood. You watched as he strode out of the kitchen and disappeared in the direction of the bridge. Staring after him, you pondered implications of your captain’s actions. You came to the conclusion that there were truths you had yet to confront about your relationship with the pirate crew of the _Meson Martinet_. Sighing, you stood and headed back to the ‘fresher. A hot shower would clear your mind from the lingering fog you woke up with and help you process whatever had just happened with Captain Ithano.

— — —

Several hours and one shower later, you were disembarking the _Meson Martinet_ with Captain Ithano, Reveth, and Kix. Squeaky and Quiggold were staying with the ship on the captain’s orders, while he and Reveth were heading to get parts for upgrades for the ship. You and Kix were tasked with gathering medical supplies and food.

As you wandered into the Black Spire Outpost with Kix beside you, you were struck by two things:

One, how much history there was baked into the very stone the buildings were made of. You had been to the Outpost before, but you were always taken by the pre-hyperspace history still present in the architecture and people.

Two, there was a worrying increase in First Order presence since your last visit.

You could feel Kix step closer to you as a pair of First Order Stormtroopers passed near you. You were both well-versed in the art of acting natural near local law enforcement, so the troopers never even glanced at you. Still, you knew it was best to keep a low profile when it came to the First Order. Two troopers would hardly be difficult to handle, but gaining the attention of their organization was bad for business, as Quiggold would say.

“I don’t like this,” Kix muttered. “There are more of them here now.”

You hummed in response and the two of you walked into the market. The list of supplies you had was short and vague. Kix had a more detailed list of medical supply items which the two of you searched for first. As the medic haggled with a stall owner over bacta patches and hyposprays, you glanced over at the neighboring stall.

You liked to think of yourself as a no-frills, practical person. You had no jewelry or finery when you joined the pirates and your share of credits was usually spent on blaster upgrades or practical items. The most expensive item you owned was your armor weave coat, and you’d haggled an impressive bargain for that.

Yes, you would call yourself practical. But the woven bracelet at the stall next to you beckoned.

You left Kix’s side and wandered over to examine the bracelet more closely. It was made of a soft thread and woven in an intricate pattern. There were beads interlaced throughout the design that sparkled in the light of the afternoon sun. It was a simple design and probably would not have been impressive to another passerby. But there was something about the colors and the woven pattern that reminded you of home.

“Find something?”

Kix’s voice drew your attention away from the piece of jewelry. For a moment you were embarrassed by your distraction. You didn’t think Kix was the type of man to ridicule you for your tastes, but you felt silly being distracted by something so trivial.

As his eyes landed on the bracelet, you spoke.

“It’s nothing,” you said quickly. “You get the bacta?”

Kix nodded. “And some hypospray painkillers. What’s on your list?”

“Produce and dried meats, mostly,” you answered as you turned away from the stall.

The smell of curing meats led you to the food stalls a little further into the market. In very little time, you had acquired several varieties of cured meats, fresh and pickled produce, and preserved sauces and jams. You had gotten proficient at haggling during your tenure on the _Meson Martinet_ , but there were some things you were willing to spend a little more on, like the Crait salt you managed to snag from a traveling cook. He had initially been reluctant to part with any of the seasoning, but in the end he relented. It had cost a little more than you’d wanted to spend, but you doubted Captain Ithano would mind the extra expense. Crait salt made everything taste better, and it wasn’t always easy to come by.

Maybe it was the fresh air, or the smell of good street food, but the excursion to the market at the Black Spire Outpost had rejuvenated you some. You felt better and more clear headed than you had when you woke that morning. Kix’s company had helped, too, even though the conversation between the two of you had been limited. Just his presence seemed to lighten the weight you had been carrying since the morning.

Looking around, you realized you didn’t see the medic near you. You didn’t panic, but you weren’t comfortable with the idea of being separated while First Order Stormtroopers were patrolling the area. The tension forming in your shoulders left when you heard Kix call your name.

He walked towards you with an apologetic look on his face. In his hand he carried a skewered piece of meat that looked to be heavily seasoned. As Kix got closer to you, the smell of the food hit you and your mouth began to water.

“Sorry,” he said. “I saw this at a stall and I needed to try it.”

“What is it?” you asked, genuinely curious as to what kind of creature the meat came from.

“I’m not sure you want to know.”

You raised an eyebrow at him.

“Oh, I think I do.”

He paused a beat for effect.

“Kowakian monkey-lizard.”

You barked out an incredulous laugh.

“People eat those?”

Kix nodded as he tore a piece off the skewer before holding it toward you. You hesitated before reaching out a tearing a piece off. Kix lifted his portion in a cheers motion and the two of you ate at the same time.

The savory spices complemented the sweetness of the meat as it melted in your mouth.

“Mmm,” Kix hummed. “I think I like them better dead, skewered, and roasted.”

You snorted and reached for another piece of meat.

“I almost feel guilty, but I was thinking the same thing.”

Kix smiled at you through a mouthful of food. The two of you wandered back through the market towards the ship. When you arrived, you separated from the clone and went to the kitchen to store your recently purchased supplies. After finishing, you reported to Quiggold to return the unspent credits from the trip.

“Get anything good?”

“The usual cured meats and preserves mostly,” you responded. “I did manage to get a small supply of Crait salt. Cost a bit more, but I saved enough haggling on the other items that I felt justified in splurging.”

The first mate grumbled his agreement. You left Quiggold alone feeling better about spending the extra on the salt. If the first mate didn’t have a problem with the added expense, neither would the captain.

As you were heading back to your quarters, you heard Kix call out your name. You doubled back to the medbay and saw the medic organizing his recently purchased medical supplies.

“You feel up to helping me?” he asked.

“Sure.”

You spent the next hour helping Kix organize the old and new supplies in his cabinet. He had you arrange the bacta so that the oldest was in front. The tray the new hyposprays were in was in bad shape, so you also helped him transfer those to a new tray. It wasn’t difficult work and with Kix’s company, the chore was soon over. He sat on the edge of his bunk and motioned for you to join him.

“Thanks for the help,” he said with a smile. His expression faltered a bit before he continued. “Look, the captain told me about this morning. How are you doing now?”

A part of you was surprised that Captain Ithano had bothered discussing the breakfast incident with Kix. On the other hand, you knew the captain was pragmatic and it wouldn’t do to have a crew member behaving erratically. It would be a discussion for the captain to have with the ship’s medic.

“I’m doing better,” you said after a pause. “I woke up feeling a bit off kilter, but the outing at Black Spire helped.”

Kix looked at you intently, as if trying to discern the sincerity of your response. He seemed satisfied after a moment.

“The medics in the GAR weren’t trained for emotional and psychological distress. The Kaminoans bred that out of us in the tubes we were grown in.”

The callousness of the Kaminoans impacted you like a meteor strike. The idea that Kix and his clone brothers had their emotions bred out of them was horrific. The additional revelation that Kix wasn’t, technically speaking, born slapped you across the face. He hadn’t had a childhood, you realized. He hadn’t have a family as you understood it, either. There was so much you didn’t realize or know about him. A feeling of guilt settled uncomfortably in your stomach as you thought about how much Kix had missed out on during his life as a soldier, but here you were losing your cool over a bit of brain fog.

Kix must have seen something in your expression because his hand came to rest on yours.

“What happened to you in that compound,” he started. “You haven’t really talked about it. I’d assumed you were okay and recovered. It’s how things were when I was in the GAR.” He paused and took a breath. “When the captain told me about how you were in the kitchen this morning, it made me realize that you, maybe, haven’t totally healed. I’m sorry that, as your medic - as your friend - I missed it.”

You lifted your hands up in front of you in a placating manner. The movement caused his hand to fall away from yours.

“I’m alright, Kix,” you urged. “You didn’t miss anything. I just woke up in a strange mood and then the captain made breakfast for me and it caught me off guard.”

Kix grabbed your hands and held them firmly in his own.

“Captain Ithano made you breakfast because he saw you were struggling.”

You faltered. Kix’s eyes locked onto yours, silently urging you to consider his words.

_Captain Ithano made you breakfast because he saw you were struggling._

“Why?”

Your voice was small and unsure and you hated it.

Kix’s eyes softened. He released one of your hands and reached up. His hand hesitated only a moment before he brushed your hair behind your ear. 

“Is it so difficult to believe he cares about you?” Kix’s fingers brushed your jaw as his hand cupped your cheek. “That we all do?”

You had no response. This was someone telling you directly that they cared about your wellbeing. About you. It was something so new, so novel that you had no immediate reaction as you processed it.

Finally, the reality of what was said sank in. You inhaled sharply and tightened your grip on Kix’s hand. The medic leaned forward as your head dropped, angling so your forehead came to rest on his collarbone. You took another deep breath.

Kix smelled of spiced meats from the markets and the soap he used to sanitize his hands. Warmth radiated off of him, both in the literal sense and the figurative one. The hand that rested on your cheek provided a gentle pressure as his thumb brushed your cheekbone lightly. Kix’s breaths puffed against your hair and felt like a light breeze on warm day.

“Here,” he said.

His hand left your cheek and reached into his pocket, pulling out the woven bracelet from the market. You lifted your head and looked at him with awed confusion. A small part of you was embarrassed that he had paid enough attention to know what you had been eyeing at the stall, but you shoved that thought aside. You wanted so badly to receive this gift from this man in this moment.

You reached out tentatively, your fingers brushing his palm, and you thought you saw him shiver.

“This is a promise,” he said quietly. “I’m going to do better. Be better. For you.”

You felt something shift after he said those words; after he made that promise. You might have stopped breathing. Kix’s breath was shallow, like he thought any disturbance might break the moment. His hand moved slowly back to your jaw, pulling your face closer to his. You saw his eyes, which had been locked on yours, drop to your lips.

You surged forward then, with every intent on kissing him, but stopped just shy of his lips. Your nose brushed his and you felt your eyelashes flutter against his face. There was a hair’s breadth of space between you and Kix when you stopped. You had a moment of doubt as your shallow breaths mingled with his.

The doubt left you as he pressed his lips to yours.

The kiss was soft and gentle. You breathed him in as you moved closer to him, placing your hands on his chest. The hand Kix had on your jaw moved to wrap around the back of your neck, trying to pull you closer as he deepened the kiss.

It was short and sweet and, when you parted, you chased his lips with yours to place another light kiss on them. You could feel the blush on your cheeks and saw color rising on Kix’s. He leaned his forehead against yours and took your hand in his. You felt him put the woven bracelet on your wrist and, when he was finished, he left his fingers over your pulse point.

“A promise,” he said.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was unscheduled stop and you’re left to guard the ship with Squeaky while Kix goes with the captain and Reveth to gather supplies. Your blood runs cold when Reveth comms you to tell you something has happened to Kix.

It had been an unplanned stop.

The _Meson Martinet_ had taken damage during a particularly tricky raid and Quiggold had piloted the damaged ship to a nearby moon in order to make repairs. Reveth had most of the materials to make the most pressing repairs, but there was a deficit of extra scrap to patch a hole in the ship’s hull.

“Scanners are showing a crash site not far from here,” Quiggold said to the captain. “With any luck, we’ll find enough scrap durasteel to patch up our hole.”

Captain Ithano took Reveth and Kix to find the wreck, while you stayed behind to help Squeaky guard the damaged ship. The scanners hadn’t picked up any signs of life nearby, but the Captain wanted you to stay behind out of an abundance of caution. And so you found yourself posted outside the _Meson Martinet_ with your Gamorrean crew mate for company.

Squeaky was animatedly snorting and snuffling about the battle the crew had just won. The raid had been more work than anticipated, with the civilian scientists aboard the targeted ship putting up a valiant fight, but the Blood Buccaneer and his crew were notorious for a reason. You were happy to leave the scientists alive at the end of the raid, but were less pleased that their ship had more firepower than had been expected. Your elbow still ached from being thrown by a blast from their cannons. 

Rubbing the aching joint absentmindedly, you smiled at Squeaky as he recalled the shot he made that ultimately crippled the other vessel.

“It was an amazing shot,” you said. “Though it was a little to close for my liking.”

Squeaky snorted derisively, which you took to mean that he felt you had waited too long to get back on the _Meson Martinet_. Admittedly, you had cut it close. You couldn’t resist the surplus of modified blasters, though. Did civilian scientists really need all that extra firepower? You didn’t think so. 

Kix had been less than pleased about the raid. He was a medic and a soldier at heart, so the prospect of causing harm to innocents never sat well with him. It was at Kix’s insistence that the scientists be left alive at he end of the raid, even though they had fought hard and caused damage to the _Meson Martinet_. Kix had also expressed his desire to avoid raiding parties in favor of searching for the Separatist bases for battle droids. 

“What difference does that make?” you had asked Kix. “The SBDs are probably used against innocents anyway.”

You hadn’t meant to aggravate the clone, but he hadn’t been pleased with your observation and a small argument followed.

“We don’t know that.”

“Kix, what else could super battle droids be used for? At least with raids we can decide what happens to the civilians involved.”

It had been a minor disagreement and was quickly resolved with him kissing your forehead before he left with the captain and Reveth. Your fingers ran over the bracelet Kix had gifted you as you remembered the brief exchange. You could still feel his lips pressed against your forehead as he mumbled something about continuing the debate later. His tone was light enough that you could tell he wasn’t properly angry with you. You knew Kix understood that you, for the most part, agreed with him about attacking civilian vessels. While Kix was more reluctant to raid civilian ships at all, you both agreed that there was little point to killing innocents. 

Your thoughts were interrupted by Reveth’s voice calling out to you over the comms. 

“I’m here, Reveth. What’s going on?”

“I’m sending you coordinates,” the Twi’lek said. “You need to get to them as soon as you can.”

Something in Reveth’s tone made your blood run cold. 

“What’s happening?”

“Nothing life threatening, but I think Kix needs you.” You were about to ask her to elaborate, but she cut you off. “I don’t know what what’s going on. Just… just get here. Soon.”

Her quiet voice only increased your sense of urgency. Sparing a quick look to Squeaky, you headed off in the direction of the coordinates Reveth had sent you. She had said it wasn’t life threatening, but whatever was happening was enough to cause the usually unflappable Twi’lek concern. The last time she had shown anything other than a cool calmness in the face of danger had been during the Ganado incident. You tried to ignore the growing panic in your gut as you hurried along the crash path of the wrecked ship.

It must have been a large ship, judging by the trail of destruction it left. It was a rocky and desolate moon and you could see where chunks of the landscape had been ripped out by the falling vessel. The debris trail had all but disappeared over the course of time, but the larger parts of debris still peeked above the fallen snow and ice. You thought it must have happened a long time ago, based on the level of corrosion evident on the exposed durasteel.

The white and gray landscape was suddenly interrupted by the large red figure of Captain Ithano in the distance. You could just make out a figure kneeling down next to the captain and, with a lurch, you realized it was Kix. Reveth was standing off from the two men and, when she saw you approaching, she made her way towards you. 

“I’m not sure what happened,” she said when she got closer. “We got close to the wreck and he just stopped. I don’t think he’s said anything.”

You took a moment to survey your surroundings. The wreck was massive with twisted durasteel reaching up to the sky, blocking out the weak sunlight. The ground beneath your feet was scarred and blackened by the impact of the ship’s crash. How ever this wreck happened, it was violent and likely didn’t leave any survivors. A question floated in your mind. You weren’t sure what compelled you to ask it, but it was past your lips before you had a chance to really think it through.

“What kind of ship was this?”

Reveth’s silence told you that your question was an important one. There was something akin to despair in her eyes.

“Reveth.”

“I think it’s a Clone Wars era Venator class Star-Destroyer,” she said uncertainly. “The same kind Kix probably served on.”

A creeping feeling of dread rose in your chest. Your eyes left Reveth’s and landed on Kix’s hunched figure in the distance. Without another word to Reveth you set off to where Kix was kneeling. Captain Ithano turned when he heard your boots crunching on the ice. He left Kix’s side and placed a hand on your shoulder as he passed you. With a nod, the captain made his way over to Reveth. You stood in the shadow of the Venator and contemplated your words.

Kix was on his knees in front of what you now saw was a makeshift cemetery. Faded and cracked helmets lay on the ground and atop posts, most of them decorated with paint discolored by years of exposure. Looking back down at Kix, you saw he held one of the helmets on his lap. 

The design differed from the others. The helmet was mostly white but was accented by a discolored grey that might have been blue, once upon a time. Though faded, you could make out a circular pattern on the top of the helmet. The symbol was unfamiliar to you, but seemed to be reminiscent of the First Order’s insignia. Something you couldn’t quite identify settled heavy in your chest when you looked at this helmet in Kix’s hands.

Your gaze drifted back to the clone’s face. His eyes were unfocused and staring off into the distance. You were standing right next to him, close enough to feel heat coming from his body, but there was something about his expression that made him seem out of reach. 

“Kix?”

A small twitch in his brow was the only indication he heard you. He seemed almost unaware of your presence. You carefully kneeled down next to him and placed a hand on his arm. When he still didn’t acknowledge you, you moved your hand to rest on top of his, your fingers inadvertently brushing against the helmet.

At first he didn’t react to your touch, but his gaze seemed to pull back from wherever he was staring. You watched as his eyes drifted down to where your fingers were resting. There was another moment before his eyes focused on the bracelet on your wrist, then his face crumpled. All at once, Kix seemed to process what he was looking at and the vacant expression he’d had was replaced by anguish. His fingers tightened on the helmet as his eyes refocused on the scene in front of him. You watched in silence as Kix’s gaze flitted between each helmet in the makeshift graveyard before finally settling on the one he held desperately in his hands. Kix lifted the helmet and pressed it to his forehead. You realized with growing horror that he had known the man who had worn this helmet. 

“Jesse,” he said hoarsely. “His name was Jesse.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the aftermath of Kix finding his fallen brothers’ graves, you’re unsure about how to comfort Kix.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The final chapter is finally here! Thank you all for reading and supporting this fic during this writing process. It means so much to me that there has been a consistently kind and supportive readership for this story. I love you all!

The shadow of the wrecked Venator grew longer and colder as the hours passed, but it wasn’t until the sun was low on the horizon that you said anything.

“Kix, it’s gonna get too cold to be out here soon.” 

You kept your voice soft, not wanting to jar him too suddenly out of his reverie. He had been silent since he spoke the name of his brother hours earlier. You hadn’t pressed him for any more information, wary of causing him more stress. Kix had no way of knowing how the crash happened, but you had no doubt that the stress of his memories before being put in stasis was causing him turmoil.

You felt your brows furrow as you looked at the clone. He made no indication that he’d heard you speak, eyes still firmly locked on the helmet of his dead brother. Slowly, you raised your hand and pushed your fingers gently into the hair at his nape. You played with his soft curls, saying nothing, until Kix’s gaze shifted to the grave markers in front of him. 

“CT-6116.”

Kix’s voice was soft and thin in the cold air.

“That was my clone trooper designation. I was… bred on Kamino. Created, along with all of my brothers, for the sole purpose of fighting a war.” His eyebrows furrowed and his eyes had a faraway look in them. “We were never meant to survive past the war.”

You didn’t say anything. You could sense Kix working something out in his mind. He seemed to struggle with a thought, but fell quiet again after a few moments. You tightened your fingers in his hair lightly, and he finally turned to look at you. Your heart clenched when you saw the lost look in his eye, but you took a steadying breath before placing a kiss one his forehead. To your dismay, when you leaned back his expression had grown more despondent.

“What do you want to do?” you asked gently.

Kix considered your words. He looked back to the helmet in his hands and then up to the grave markers in front of him. You let your hand fall away from his nape as he stood, still clutching his brother’s helmet. A feeling of helplessness washed over you as you watched Kix place the helmet on a post. You realized that there was so little you could do for him in this moment other than be present. You hoped it was enough.

“Someone took the time to bury them,” Kix said quietly. “Someone gave my brothers a funeral. It’s more than we had during the war.” His voice broke and his eyes were shining with emotion. “I wish I knew who it was. I want to thank them.”

You remained silent, but took a step closer to Kix to remind him he wasn’t alone. You let your hand brush tentatively against his, an invitation he accepted when he laced his fingers with yours. 

“Goodbye, Jesse.”

Kix turned to leave and you spared a final look at the Clone Trooper Graveyard, wishing you’d had the opportunity to meet the men Kix called brothers. You kept your grip gentle but firm in Kix’s hand as the two of you made the walk back to the Meson Martinet. You were unsure what the next steps would be for Kix. You were even less sure of what the next steps would be for you, but resolved that you would be available for Kix and anything he needed from this point on. 

You didn’t know when it happened, but somewhere along the line you had fallen in love with the clone and you would burn the galaxy to its core to keep him safe and warm.

— — —

Captain Ithano was waiting by the ship when you returned with Kix. When he saw the clone’s face, the captain looked to you.

“Take him to his quarters,” he said. “Reveth is nearly done with repairs. We’ll be leaving shortly.”

You nodded and glanced at Kix watching for any sign that he’d heard the captain. You kept his hand firmly clasped in yours as you guided him to his quarters, your concern growing the longer he was silent. He released your hand and sat on his bunk the moment you were through the door to his room. You hesitated a moment before you carefully sat down next to him, careful to give him space to move away if close contact would prove to be too much for him. You were close enough, though, that you could feel the heat emanating from him against your thigh. 

You didn’t keep track of the time that passed before Kix spoke, his quiet voice loud in the empty room.

“I had a brother, his name was Fives.” Kix paused, thinking about what to say. “He figured out what the clones were really made for. It wasn’t war like we thought, or not only for war. We…” Kix trailed off, his eyes far away.

He reached out suddenly, grabbing your hand and bringing it up to the side of his head. Kix pushed your fingers into his hair just above his temple. You had a moment of confusion, before you felt it. A small bit of raised scar tissue.

“The Kaminoans implanted chips in every clone. They told us they were to curb the more aggressive nature of our progenitor. Fives figured out the truth.”

Your eyes dropped down to meet his, a feeling of dread filling you. 

“We thought he’d lost his mind. We didn’t believe him. If we had…”

Kix’s eyes filled with tears and he looked down. You pressed your fingertips to the scar in his hair and let your thumb brush over his temple. Kix took a steadying breath before continuing.

“My captain, Rex, ordered me to investigate after Fives was killed. I discovered the chips were built to override our free will. There was a plot to use the clones to destroy the Jedi order. I was captured by Separatists before I could report back to Rex. I woke up fifty years later, the Jedi and my brothers all long dead.”

Nothing you could do or say would change the past Kix left behind, nor anything you could do to stop the anguish he was feeling. The scope of Kix’s story was massive, having impacted the course of galactic history. Had he succeeded in getting the information back to his captain, the Empire may never have come into being. The Jedi would not have died out. Kix would have lived his life with his brothers by his side instead of stumbling blindly into their cemetery. 

You tried not to think about how that meant you would have never met him.

You brought your other hand up to his cheek so his face was cradled in your palms. A tear escaped the corner of his eye and you wiped it away, before leaning in and placing a soft kiss to his forehead. His hands wrapped around your wrists, holding on loosely as you pressed more gentle kisses on his nose and cheeks.

“I could have saved them,” he sobbed.

You pressed your fingers firmly into his scalp, forcing his gaze to focus on you.

“There is no way to know what could have happened. Empires rise and fall like ocean tides. The emperor could have found another way to power.”

“But the Jedi could have been saved. My brothers could have been saved!”

“Kix, listen to me,” you said desperately. “Do not go down that path. We can’t change what’s already happened.” Kix shook his head roughly, dislodging your hands. He pulled away from you and your heart started to fracture. 

“Please, Kix. There is nothing I can say or do to make this right or easier for you. I can’t take the loss or pain away from you. But _please_.” Your voice dropped to a desperate whisper. “Please don’t do this to yourself.”

Kix didn’t look at you, but you could see the unshed tears glistening in his eyes. He shook his head, softly this time, and walked out of the room without a word. You were left in silence as your own tears started to gather.

No.

Determination flared brightly in you. With a resolve you rarely felt, you stood up and followed Kix from the room. His long strides had afforded him some distance from you, but you increased your pace and caught up with him in the cargo area.

“Kix!” 

“Leave me.”

“No.”

You made your voice sound as firm as you dared. Kix turned and looked at you, a strained look on his face.

“I am not leaving you.” Your hands were clenched tightly at your sides, shaking despite your best efforts to still them. “I can’t begin to comprehend what you’re feeling, what you’ve lost.” You took a small step toward him. “But I am not going to leave you alone with it. I will be here, with you, as long as you need me.”

You saw something in him falter. His face crumpled and fresh tears formed in his eyes. Kix’s hand twitched in your direction as his shoulders slumped. You closed the distance between you and grabbed his hand. Your fingers interlaced with his.

“I won’t leave you alone,” you whispered.

Kix’s forehead came to rest on your shoulder. You reached your free hand up and cradled the back of his head digging your fingers into his dark curls as sobs wracked his body. There was nothing you could say to him to take away his pain, so you said nothing. You cradled his head against your shoulder as he wept, trying to impress upon him the depth of your feelings without words. You hoped the way your fingers ran through his hair and the way you pressed your lips against his temple told him all he needed to know: you loved him.

Kix’s tears slowly dried and his arms enveloped you, pulling you flush against his body. He held you there as his breathing evened out. You felt him nudge his nose against your neck as he spoke.

“What would I do without you?”

“You’d find a way to get through this,” you mumbled. “But I’m glad you don’t have to do it alone.”

Kix shook his head as he pulled back to look at you. 

“I don’t think I would have.” His hand came up to rest on your cheek. “I feel the weight of every single one of my brothers’ deaths. It’s a burden that’s too heavy to carry alone.”

“Good thing you’re not alone, then.”

An expression that wasn’t quite a smile came across Kix’s face. You knew that, by offering to carry this burden with him, you had committed something to him and to yourself. You had spent so much of your life feeling alone and being the one left behind. Kix had been one of the few who had reached out to you and, along with the rest of the crew, came back for you when you needed it most. You didn’t have words to express the gratitude you felt, but you would make sure your actions spoke for you. You would stay with Kix as long as he would have you.

Just as you realized that you should at least try to verbally express these sentiments to Kix, he pressed his forehead against yours. You had kissed Kix several times since Batuu, and had shared many private affectionate moments. But now, with the way you seemed to share your very breath with him, there was something infinitely more intimate about this action. You let your eyes fall shut as you breathed Kix in and exhaled all the love you had for him. 

“I love you.”

His voice was softer than a whisper. All at once, Kix’s love joined yours in the breath shared between you. Elation erupted in your chest.

“I love you.”

Kix placed his hands on your cheeks and pulled you in and the breath you’d shared with him was stolen when his lips met yours. His kiss was soft as he moved his lips across yours. You whined softly when he became more fervent and deepened the kiss. Your hands gripped his shirt tightly and he broke away, placing more small kisses on your lips as he spoke.

“I love you,” he mumbled against yours lips. “I love you so much.” He wrapped his hand around the back of your head and pulled you in for a deep and bruising kiss. The cargo hold started to shake around you as the take off sequence started. Kix’s grip on you tightened, holding you steady as the ship lifted off the icy moon.

  
The small moon and the Clone Graveyard on its surface grew more distant as the _Meson Martinet_ breached the atmosphere. Kix’s kisses continued, unhindered by the turbulence, as he left his old life behind him with his fallen brothers. His future lay ahead of him and, as he shared breath with you before, so too would he share his life. 


End file.
